I've let everyone down. Family expected so much of me and I've just let them down.

Family can seem that way sometimes. Mine pushes me so hard to achieve my dreams I sometimes find myself thinking I have let them down. Don't let it bother you. In time, and at your pace, you will get there. It isn't the quantity, but the quality.

Couldn't stay in school because it got too hard to cope, I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight and in the end I couldn't force myself to go anymore. Ended up getting home schooling instead. Failed everything from then on. Everyone I know is at college while I can hardly leave the house.. Though I want to so much. I have a lot I want to do, just no motivation and I'm scared.

No need to be. People are scared all the time. It's the most difficult aspect of achieving your dreams. Once you conquered the fear, the rest is a smooth ride. That you have failed once or a few times does not in any way make you a failure. We are only failures when we stop trying.

I find it hard to talk about certain things, though sometimes things like 'What are you doing tomorrow then?' will instantly make me feel horrible and I cut the person off. As much as I wanna talk about things I can't because the words just don't come out. Cry almost every night and feel so horrible, my mind is everywhere. Every day just gets worse and I hate how much I've let my mum down. She sounds so disappointed in me, but I don't blame her. I'm a waste of space, a mess.
I hate myself for being like this. I just want to make my mum proud of me.