I want love. I want sex. I want both. I'm horny as Hell, but I think it should mean something when it happens. I don't regret what I did with the first, just the second. I could care less about what my friends think, I just want my frustration to end. I'm worried I won't be able to ignore a biological imperative. For a while, I've managed to hold myself in control, but it's a lot harder lately. Especially as I lose myself to other issues.

I'm not angry at her for not putting out. That I respect her for, even if it drove me crazy. She said to me once, when I asked why she was putting me through that "I like sex. I like you and... certain parts of you interest me. But I don't want to be with you and we're not going to have sex." while my junk was in her hands, no less. The hypocrisy of it all and the fact I knew we were connecting, we were more: but she wouldn't let herself feel for me. That hurt.

I suppose you're right. But finding a relationship is even more difficult. I'm not jealous of the others, I'm just getting older and feeling like I'm missing out on life.