(((((((Beth)))))))
Is there ANYONE in real life that you could talk to or spend some time with or who could come to see you so you can't act upon any of the thoughts to SI?
I know its hard -- but you can beat this and you will get through this!!
PM me (or you could email me - my email is in my profile) if you'd like to talk okay? I like you too much to see you hurt this much.