Hello, PC family.
I woke up this morning, feeling OK and still happy from last night's chat, and then something happened. I made the stupid mistake of going on facebook, which I have been trying to avoid lately, and a status update there triggered me in the worst way I can think of.

I can't go into the trigger right now, because every time I think about it, it makes what I'm here to talk about worse and worse, and I'm just trying to get through this. I'm sorry, because I know this would make more sense if I could explain more.

8 years ago, one of the people I was closest to in the world died of a drug overdose. Thanks to the flippant status update, all of the things I felt when I learned he had died came back: disbelief, denial, being unsure of what to do, say, think, am I even supposed to finish the food I'm eating, are you supposed to do that when someone you love so much has disappeared, why can't I just call him and tell him this, how do you keep living when they're not, not believing it for months until undeniable proof appeared, and then a downward spiral that happened really, really fast and left me less of a person afterward.

I feel like I am living that moment over and over again. In the last hour, I feel as though I've experienced his death again repeatedly. I don't know what to do. I've tried to use the few DBT skills I know (soothe, comfort (thanks, strat), opposite action). I've tried thinking about anything else, but I just can't. I feel so driven under by this that I don't know how to turn it around so I can even think. On top of that, I can't even confront the update person for being so careless, because I am pretty sure I should be feeling sympathy or concern for them, and I feel guilty, cold, and callous that I don't. All of my feelings are all wrong, and I don't know how to make them into what they're supposed to be. I don't know how to stop reliving that terrible moment of my life over again.

I came here for this because the only person I can talk to, SO, is angry as hell at the person who posted the update and thinks I should cut them out of my life because this isn't the first time their drama has seriously negatively affected me, but I feel bad about doing that, too.

In the time I've been on here, I feel as though I can trust you all with my emotions, as messed up as they can be. I hope you don't think less of me for being such a callous person.

Any advice on how to get this cycle of re-experience to stop and let me breathe today is so welcome, I have no words for it.