No you're not crazy or deluded, from what I can tell you're hurting very deeply. I relate to hurt. All of us relate to hurt and pain. You're as human as the rest of us.

I wonder if part of you has a little hope left because you're posting here. It takes courage to reach out especially if you feel on some level that everything is pointless. Hold onto that little bit of hope if it's there and try to hear that people care even if it feels scary to know that. If negativity is all you've grown up with and understand it can feel sort of familiar and safe. Hearing good things can feel quite scary and hard to trust.

I do think that therapy would be a good thing for you and there's no shame in it. It sounds like you feel a lot of bad things about it, but really therapy is a very brave path to tred because you start to understand yourself better and feel supported in life's journey. It is also a way of challenging engrained thoughts and beliefs - perhaps this is what scaries you about it? Changing thoughts can be scary. Challenging strong emotions can be really frightening especially if it involves understanding past abuse. But many people have done it and come through happier.

I hope you begin to see that you are worthy of good things and there are caring people around you. To some extent you can choose what you focus on - the people who care, or those who don't. Even if everyone in yuor area doesn't seem to care, plenty on this site do.