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Hi and welcome, for me growing up with my mum, I gained a lot of how I am now from her and her own insecurities; however this is not at all an indication of her as a mother, although now she blames herself for how I am now. This is actually to do with people don't realize just how sensitive children can be to emotions and particularly emotions of parents. You will be surprised just how much children can pick up on moods and reactions or how others interact with the world around us. They then learn from this, as you have pointed out, however to worry about this you are then creating tension and insecurity within itself. Although children can pick up on this however they may misinterpreted where or why you are being this was, they can probably not understand your worries are for their sake. This is the thing with children they can't consider the emotions or reactions of other humans in the way adults do because there has never been a time when they would have to contemplate the same situations in such a way as an adult would... so sometimes this is what causes the problems actually, just the misunderstanding. I never understood my mum was worried she would be a bad mum and couldn't create a better life for me, I just assume she hated her life and I was the only reason she kept going but I thought she resented me for that and I thought I was the reason she felt this way because if she didn't have me then she could have done something with her life and not ended up a single mum who had not worked much or anything else. I blame myself and took in all her emotions as it was my fault and because of me because I was too young to understand her worry's where for me and how she felt about herself being unable to provide for me.
I think getting some professional help may be of use to you but you must understand there is right help and wrong help and just because that is what a professional says does not always mean it is right, really only you in time will know what is the right thing to do for yourself and your family because really it is of your own choice how you are with your family and how raise your family in a sense.
However if you feel you need help and advice go seek it because this is also about you, the good thing is you understand that there may be a few areas of yourself you need to work on, which is good because you can see and understand this which means you can in time, better yourself for yourself and your family.
I am sorry if this just a ramble and I am only 20 years old and this is coming from a person who as a kid was well aware of those area her and how this then impacted to an extent on herself and how she is now a as person. I hope you really don’t mind my reply.
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