Okay, I am totally freaked out by your post. All of my life I have had very serious relationship issues....but what you described about your x-girlfriend....reminds me of me. I will tell you that, for myself, I have serious trust issues and that is why I accused men in my past for looking at other women and wanting to sleep with them all. In my eyes, I didn't feel that I could compete or hold a man's attention so I became very jealous and desperate. Panic takes over and the only thing that occupies your mind is being cheated on and abandoned. I can also say that I cannot perceive love normally. I have only ever understood love once in my life. That was when my son was born and I was very obsessed with him. So much so, that he had very severe separation anxiety as a child. I totally suffocated him. Other than that, I am completely empty and completely alone. My family won't have anything to do with me and I have no friends. I give and give and give but what I have to offer is always rejected and that really sucks!!!

I read that you really love your x...I see both sides of the situation, but my heart breaks for her mostly. If there is any way you can get beyond your own pain and stick with her to help her in anyway, I plead with you to do so. People like your x need other people just like everyone else...if not more. The life she is living...if you don't mind my speaking for her...is like the real person is trapped inside a body that is not yours and it does things you don't want it to do. All you want to do is rip your face off and scream and run as far away as possible...but you can't because that ugly wretch of a person is you...and you are trapped forever and you have no choice. You envy others who can get away from you, and you hate them for doing so, but then if you are fortunate enough to have someone stick around, you wonder why in the world are you with me? So, you find reasons to justify your negative beliefs about yourself...you don't feel deserving of being loved, yet you want it so desperately. It is pure confusion and frustration. Please, I beg you to do everything you can to help her. Even if you can't be her boyfriend...remain her friend...it is a matter of life and death...maybe not a physical death, but an internal death, which is much worse. God bless!