This time of year is really sad for me. My mother passed on September 1st, 1988...the hardest thing, still, for me is never getting to go to her funeral(she was living in Florida at the time)and never being told where she was buried. I wish I could have gone to her funeral, and sometimes it gets to me that I was not even given the chance to go(which I have to wonder whether my sister was worried that if I went, I would 'decompensate' or my boarding home told her that I might not do well I really think it was horrible if they denied me the chance to get REAL closure because they thought I would 'break' like a fragile piece of glass instead of using my supports)I still cry over my mom's death, and wonder if she was suffering, or whether she passed on in peace, and if she ever knew I still loved her even though she lost me due to her alcoholism..I'm crying right now as I'm posting this. I even have a hard time listening to my roommate talk about how happy his childhood was when all I knew was how I was taken from my family on the THEORY that 'oh she might end up an alcoholic, her mom is'

I wonder if it all ever gets better, if I will ever get closure, if I will ever find out why things happened the way they did?

Lillian Kelly, rest in peace...even though your addiction put me(and you) through some horrible things...I still love you.