Angelcat6, My heart goes out to you. My father has bipolar. I have a mood disorder and 4 beautiful daughters (one of whom most likely has bipolar as well.) Here are my thoughts, for what they're worth...

BTW, I had written them out very carefully and accidentally erase my reply before posting. This second version is not as carefully crafted, but I hope you can sense my positive intention and empathy anyway.

1) Please don't stress out about a decision that is not going to be made for some time yet. Focusing on managing your bipolar and learning to be the best you that you can be will put you in a much better position to make the decision in the future. It's okay to be undecided about it now. Also you never know how your life may change before then.

2) I saw a sign once that said, "There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one." It was a great reminder for me that ALL moms are imperfect. We all hurt our children out of ignorance or illness or addiction etc. That does not mean that we are bad moms. We are human beings. We make mistakes. Sometimes bad ones. What matters most is LOVING each other the best we can; apologizing when we screw up and modeling forgiveness and mercy in our families. It is really all one can ask for.

TANGENT ALERT!
It's LONG too....
Feel free to skip this.
No really... I mean it.

I was what I consider a "horrible" mom to my first born daughter. I'd gone overboard on physical punishment (with incidents of what could be labeled abuse) and I had resented her because her existence caused me to completely change my life. (I exchanged lofty career goals for family ones.) We had butted heads from the time she was a toddler until the day I kicked her out of the house. It was ugly.

When I sat her down a couple of years ago and apologized for all the ways I missed the mark, she taught me something. My dear daughter told me that she thought I had done a good job as a mom. She always knew I loved her and she remembered many happy times together. She assured me that she loves me and that she understands that I had her best interests at heart. I cried. A lot.

We are close now. She calls me for advice and for support. Being her mom is the hardest job I've ever had and I'm not sure that I would do it again, but she turned out to be a wonderful young woman. I'm proud of her and so glad she's my daughter. Before this, I would probably have advised you against having children. But you know what? she and my other three daughters are such a blessing and source of joy. Life would be near meaningless for me without them. My only regret is in passing on the genes that gave my youngest (14 yo) BP. However, I will do everything I can to help her and to keep our relationship strong. Through education, therapy, medication (natural or synthetic), prayer, patience and persistence we will see that she has the best possible outcome and love her through it. SHEESH! If you read this far, thanks for hanging in there. I'm done for now.