Thank you for your insight into this.

Like you said, there are two sides to this which i agree with. but in the end, there is still no point.

If there is no point, why should i be concerned about others then? and also if there is no point, there should be no problem in how i want to my life to go. ending it prematurely or not.

I just feel that getting diagnosed with BP is not only confusing and hard for me to understand, what makes it worse is that others do not seem to get it. They keep thinking that i can snap out of it. everyone does. That in fact i am ok and that i am probably just weak now and running away.

No one bothers to try and understand, its like such a taboo for them.

I really think i am being very self destructive and i have started alienating everyone in my life. I'm really tired of it all. i can't seem to control my emotions or thoughts. I can't work or perform anything, because of this one thought. "whats the point".

I am glad you found something to drive you. I have nothing yet everything.

Someone else with more potential will really be able to succeed in the position i am in. Sometimes i feel i am just taking up resources.

If meds can help i would. hopefully it will kill this part of my brain for me. i really don't know what else to do.