that was an excellent video Anika and thanks. Got my noggin moving a little.

i still don't fully understand what you mean by mindfulness though.

What they think shouldn't matter, you're right. but under my circumstances i stand to lose a lot more if i do not comply.

I'm really just feeling lousy, and thank you for your replies, its helped me cheer up a bit. In my crazy rage i broke up with my girlfriend. But i still think its for the better. after all i would be a greater burden to her, and i don't think she is taking it well.

I'll hold on a bit longer, hopefully CBT works for me too.