well i had to go to a family meal last night, there were a dozen of us there and guess who i ended up sitting opposite, my brother. he was just the other side of the table from me and it ruined the night for me. i couldnt relax, i ended up sitting there arms crossed looking down at the table. it was my cousins birthday, and i was bad company, i tried to be happy and put on a brave face which i did for a lot of the time but all he did was talk about himself and it got to me that i had to sit there in silence. definately ruined for me.

i had to sit there seeing him boast about this and that, and talking about himself for so long. he loves himself so much, so vain. i must say it was so hard. i tried to sit somewhere else but because me and my dad turned up a few minutes too late everyone was already sat down and so i had to sit there. if i sat where my dad ended up sitting i would have been right next to him!

i felt constantly un-nerved and i didnt like it at all. especially considering his attitude towards me all day yesterday (saturday). he was really nice and talking to me and sitting in my room watching me play on my computer. he's now acting like nothing happened and i dont like it. now i need to think about what to do next. when we were at the meal last night my brother turned to my dad and said "because im being made redundant this week, can you reduce the amount of rent i have to pay and i will do all the cleaning", and i was sat there thinking "wait a second! you are suppose to be moving out, not staying!" and i nearly said to him in front of everyone "i thought you were looking to move out" but i didnt. wish i had now, it would have kept him aware of whats happening. he just acts like nothing happened and for him to say that makes me doubt he's looking to move out. it seems that when i asked him for space he stayed out of my way for a few days, and now he thinks thats enough! it makes me so angry!

any suggestions anyone?