Maybe it's both and that's why you feel it stronger. I think about women too, not actively persuing them, but just what it would be like. Would it be safer? Maybe it's not even related to abuse, maybe everyone thinks about it one time or another...

I really don't know Simon, but I don't think it's abnormal, not at! I just don't know what the reasons are. I hope you could some clarity on the situation. I find sometimes that when I'm unsure of things, when you start imagining what if's... don't feel guilty for thinking about it, why not let your thoughts go and see where they lead? Maybe you'll know better as to what's going on.