Why in this world, Dark Heart X, would you despise yourself? You're not a genetic mutation or anything else like that. I've read your posts frequently, and I don't see any feelings that indicate you despise yourself. Lady, you're a very valuable person here and you should feel that for yourself, too.

Have you ever thought about investigating why you think you despise yourself? It's worth a real examination by you. I just believe that you must love yourself or you wouldn't be able to show so much love to others. I'd ask my psychiatrist about that one; maybe a little therapy could clear up a misconception by you of your real being.

Down deep inside, I think perhaps you do love yourself; and if you really don't, then
you need encouragement by a therapist to convince you of your real value in life--which is very much vital for your well-being. If it's true, I hope it's just a passing thing that you may be able to break into minuscle particles and have it fly away from you for all time.