Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
It's like I can't figure this one out myself. Because of all that has gone on, all of my rage and anger spewed outward and in, and feeling disoriented most of the time during termigeddon (this includes termination AND the termination phase) has left me with nothing but a question mark where my ego is supposed to be. I get that I need to decide this for myself. This is why I'm so much in a panic. I'm terrified that he will align with the part of me that hates myself, although I can't say that I think he will.
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This makes so so so much sense to me. It's only as I get distance from the Hell that was this winter that I can kind of almost catch a glimpse of what the reality was. Of course, I have my T still, sort of helping me process it, although HE was so lost that he's kind of floundering too.
I think sometimes things are so hard that even people who seem to actually have these really integrated egos (like my T) can't even figure out what's going on.
You will find your way out of this. You ARE finding your way out of this. Even saying "My ego is fragmented" is the beginning of figuring out who you are, really.
