This makes so so so much sense to me. It's only as I get distance from the Hell that was this winter that I can kind of almost catch a glimpse of what the reality was. Of course, I have my T still, sort of helping me process it, although HE was so lost that he's kind of floundering too.

I think sometimes things are so hard that even people who seem to actually have these really integrated egos (like my T) can't even figure out what's going on.

You will find your way out of this. You ARE finding your way out of this. Even saying "My ego is fragmented" is the beginning of figuring out who you are, really.