I haven't the patience or time to read through every post. This is my first on this thread. I'm trying. I'm drunk as I type. I'm sorry if this is triggering. Proceed with caution.

I've overcome so much. I've beat addictions to numerous drugs & now my final battle lies with alcohol. I'm terrifying myself. I can't go more than 2 days without drinking. It's basically an everyday thing for me. I was IP 2 weeks ago because I had recurring suicidal plans. Overwhelming thoughts that brought me to a panic, mostly when I was drunk. Yet I can't stop drinking. The thoughts are there when I'm sober, but I can fight off the urges every time.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post such a thing. But I'm trying desperately to remain sober. I have regular OP meetings with recovery centers & therapists. But nothing seems to be helping. My most recent appointment revealed that I'm a qualified candidate for a 28 day IP rehab program. That really terrifies me more than anything. But I still can't stop. Can anyone help me? Give me any advice? I'm seriously desperate at this point. I want nothing more than to stop, but I just can't seem to now matter what I do. After re-reading my post, that last sentence bring tears to my eyes. How can I be unable to do something that I want so bad? I'm not trying to be a drama queen, but please, someone help me please.