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The Emotional Affair: How to Recognize Emotional Infidelity and What to Do About It by Ronald Potter-Efron MSW PhD, Patricia Potter-Efron MS
"yet all the while she swore she didn't want me to let go of the friendship. She made it impossible."
I'm not a mind reader but maybe she wanted to know that she meant more to you than your friend. She didn't want to ask you to end your friendship she wanted you to want to put her first and end it of your own choice.
If it's an option I'd try some counseling together. Books are good but you really need communication. Good luck to you and your wife.
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