I had meeting today with mental health worker.
I've not self harmed since Saturday, really.
And my mood was great, Monday and kind of this morning. I had a little anxiety but that normal I guess before any meeting.
I considered not going today. As I wanted to keep my mood.
I promised my self I would not cry. And that I would keep my good mood.
As soon as I got in there the tears came. Why? I have no idea.

But the weird thing is I cried when talking about small things in my life. I didn't cry when I spoke of the worser stuff.
Since then I have tried finding my happy mood. But I feel nothing. And thoughts of si are racing thro my mind.
Sometimes when I feel empty i may have a drink to help my mood feel something but as si is in my mind. I know that having a drink would be dangerous.
I normally know why I need to self hurt but right now I don't.
I've lost my appetite which was fastly returning and now I can't even manage a spoonful of pasta.

I don't really expect anything from writing in here. But just need to write it down.