I understand your reluctance. Although I am not a therapist, it sounds to me like you have a trauma history. Have you ever considered EMDR? I had never heard of it until my therapist suggested it a year ago. It definitely helped me. It's very simple, no electrodes or invasive stuff. They basically stimulate both sides of your brain while talking you through stuff in order to release trauma that you have blocked up in your brain. My description is very unscientific, so you may want to do some research (Sorry, I'm new, so they won't let me post links). It's just a thought, but it might help. Good luck!!!