I must say this is the worse I have ever felt since being diagnosed with BPD (5 years a go)

I am constantly in and out of crisis, I feel suicidal most days and self harm everyday, I know this post sounds depressing, My therapist said to me yesterday that we need to work on my negative thoughts in which I agree, I look at the worksheets she gave me and it is so hard to think positive when for so long I have been made to feel hopeless.

I want out of this situation, I can't do it anymore, I find I am fighting a losing battle