Oh my gosh, emoangel. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of stuff at the moment, and I'm not sure you're worthy of all the blame that you're piling on top of yourself.

If I were trying to have a relationship with someone who has volatile mood swings, I'd probably be tense and nervous, too. What help is he getting to deal with these mood swings? You seem to be doing what you can as far as taking care of yourself (therapy and journal writing), and I think that's great. I, for one, think you are doing a fantastic job. Please don't feel responsible for other people's behaviors, including your boyfriend. It's admirable that you want him to be happy, but we really can't "make" others happy. That's something he has to work on himself, if that's what he wants.

Thanks for visiting and posting and letting us know how you're doing. Take care and best wishes,

splash