You're right, addictions don't make sense. When I'm triggered, stressed, or sometimes for no reason, at all, my mind decides to fall into its old patterns like a car with faulty steering running into a ditch. It's not necessarily always about lost or otherwise unavailable men, either-- sometimes it's just an endless rehash of what I should have said, or a projection of what I might say or do in situation X, but it goes on without my willing it and keeps me from being in the here and now. My private name for it is "the machinery" because it feels like falling into some automated device that I have little control over. But I have a little more control than I used to, and I'm hanging on to that. If you've never done without the fantasy process, then it's remarkable that you were able to short-circuit it for three days-- don't sell yourself short.