Just trying to figure out what to live for. Other people may live for their family or their jobs/businesses or because they're having fun (what's that like?). Or maybe for what they think the future is going to be like for them. Or for some, religious reasons (thinking it's wrong to end it). I have none of the above. I'm just going through the motions...or should I say dragging through the motions? Emotionally exhausted, hopeless, chronically depressed. Not exactly a day at Disneyland. Certainly not incentive to get up every morning.

Years ago I never could have imagined that I'd be this low for this much of my life. Is this all there'll be? Am I staying alive just because I haven't suffered enough? THAT masochistic I'm not! Gawd...