I had an attack last night, my bf and I have been fighting quite a bit in the last few days and after 7 years I am just realizing a few things about him. That is besides the point though, I think. I was triggered while we were actually sitting and having a few drinks and listening to music.. I think it was the conversation or the fact that I am hiding behind a wall because I am still upset at him for whatever the problem was. I felt it slowly starting to creep up on me when I couldn't keep my leg still and then I couldn't keep still. I can't have another attack, so I thought I would try my hardest to fight it. I've never fought one off before, I usually succumb to them.

I ran to the bedroom and paced around trying my hardest.. but I feel like my mind goes blank - or dark. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't lay down, I couldn't breathe. Finally I decided to throw myself into bed and get under the covers. I felt a little safety there until HE came in. He tries pulling the covers off me and tried 'helping' me but he has no ****ing clue what happens, what it feels like and how I feel like I have no control over myself.

He thinks he can 'fix' me. He thinks he is the answer but he refuses to listen to me and refuses to read about the condition and what happens psychologically or chemically in the brain. [He doesn't want to hear what the experts say about it and he doesn't want me to share other people's stories about it.] So he tried pinning me down and I was still fighting it off, I couldn't lose control because if I lose control then I start shaking. The shaking is the worse part. He kept pushing and pushing for me to tell him what was going through my head and what caused it and looking for answers. I told me he was making me feel worse but he wouldn't leave me alone. That attack lasted 40 minutes.