Sounds like the meds are helping you not be so anxious and hyper-alert of things that may be more in your mind than in reality. That would be a good thing, right? You've never really given meds a lasting chance. Seems like you try them for a few weeks and quit before they have had a lasting chance to make some real long-term improvement for you. Sure hope you'll consider meds so you don't have to spend all your time worrying about things that you just don't really need to be so anxious about. That isn't mind control. That is having some actual control over your symptoms so you can live a calmer and more secure life. Wouldn't that be a better option than constantly living in such fear and anxiety?