I find myself at the mother of forks in the road!! I've never been a terribly indecisive person, but lately I seem to just doubt myself in every single situation. I;m completely overwhelmed and stressed, unmedicated and forced to face more major decision that I think I'm prepatred to deal with. Then this weekend someone mentions menopause... WTF?!?! I haven't gotten a handle on this now I have to worry about menopause?? It's just not right.
Anyway, as you may know we've been forced to move about 400 miles away from where we are due to ****** family, financial and employment issues. My husband tells me we should be excited, but I can't help to be worried, stressed, and anxious. I feel like we're running away, that we failed. It doesn't help that he's been a jerk!! More and more often, but then he says it's just me, my perception of the situation. I get it, I'm unstable, but not like that! He screams at me and talks to me like I'm an idiot and I'm the one taking it the wrong way? It's not bad enough I can't go to the store, cause I never get anything right! I never get what he wants, if I assume it's because I assumed, if I ask it's because I asked... I can't win!! Drive all night, come at 6 am, I'm sleepy, I can't help that I don't remember where I'm going? I'm tired! I miss a turn and it's the end of the world... "what are you thinking?".. "how can you not know where you are?". However, on the ride back he miscalculates a distance and it's not a big deal, if I do it, I'm an idiot!! I just don't know any more. Been married for so long, but I don't think it's supposed to be this way! He gets so exasperated with me, so frustrated at the slightest thing. I know he's stressed, but don't take it out on me... I can't take it! Between the move, the kids' school, cleaning two houses, having estate and moving sales, packing all by myself ALL before November 15th?? I don't know if it's frickin' worth it any more! I told him I think I need to go back on the Lamictal, at least... he says nah! But when he *****ed at me the other day, why did I snap at a kid or why was I sad, I asked him if he remembered what I have is an illness.... no response! He just thinks I get in these moods just for the hell of it, that I WANT to be in a bad mood, or sad, or overwhelmed! I don't know if being with someone like that is good for anyone... I don't know if what I think is right?! I don't trust my thoughts any more.