I am currently feeling all the emotions mentioned in the thread title and much more. Before I start, I'm going to say that I am new to this forum and I don't know if I am gay or bisexual or not (explaining the confusion).

I'm a junior girl in high school, and I've pretty much always been into guys. Except for this year. I started realizing that I get huge girl crushes that are too huge to just be dismissed as "girl crushes". And then just two weeks ago, I realized there's this girl in my grade who I have a teensy-tiny crush on. I get to sit next to her in class every other day. I kept thinking how great it would be if she was into girls. I thought that I was just fantasizing. I mean after all, it's hard to tell who's gay and who's not. All the while I am still unsure about my own feelings towards girls. Then, BAM. Today I found out that she is in fact a lesbian (explaining the mind-blown-ness) and that she is even dating someone (explaining the frustration and the jealousy). And I just simply could not *believe* it. That the girl I had a small, seemingly inconsequential "girl crush" on was actually in a relationship with another girl. I'm still mind-boggled. The fact that she is lesbian has magnified my crush for her by 1,000 times, and the reason it only seemed like a small one before was probably because I was trying to deny it.

I don't know what to do or what to feel! All of this is so recent and stuff happens so fast. I didn't even think twice about being into girls until about three weeks ago!!! And now the only girl I had a real crush on is actually in a committed relationship. And I still might have feelings for guys, and I'm just really really confused.

Thanks if you read all of that.

- AJ