((((((((((Evangelista)))))))))))

I know its hard getting past that fear. When I threw that table at SKR it took alot of work on the both of us to get past that. and we did. I sometimes think about that situation. I still don't have any idea what triggered me into acting out that piece of memory or even what they piece of memory contains. But I do know that it is controlable because I have never thrown a table since then and I have gotten extremely angry to the point of dissociating many times in the past three - four years since that situation. In part it took SKR triggering me on purpose into that memory piece and in part it took me controling myself when I get angry.

I can tell you since you have enough control to as you call it "only allow so much to be expressed" and have been doing this for " years sinvce you say the situation happened "years ago" that situation is NOT going to happen again.

You are already using the tools needed to prevent harm from happening to another therapist so its not going to happen.

You have been controling yourself for years around this issue so there is no doubt that you can now continue to control yourself with this issue.. Once you know how to and have that amount of control you don't loose it. Its there to stay.

If you have the ability to keep this violence under "lock and key..chains..big metal doors..several tons of bricks" when outside of therapy and not discussing the issue you have the same ability, and can and will control your violence when discussing the issue in therapy. In fact you will have even more control during therapy because you and your therapist will be working your therapy program and grounding techniques while discussing the issue.

so relax and do what you need to do to take care of things in therapy.

You can also just flat out say to your therapist - years ago I reacted violently during therapy and I don't want that to happen again what can we do? and your therapy professional will probably set up some safety protocals with and for you. maybe even like LL and I have - write up a paper stating you will not do harm to your therapy professional.

Hang in there.