This was a 15 week, 3 full days per week. I lasted 7 weeks and the last two I was swaying on the fence as to whether I would continue or to leave. It was not a decision I made lightly or something I did impulsively.

I was very torn in deciding to leave the program, I learned new skills that I will continue to use but felt that I just wasn't getting alot of it. Not everyone learns at the same pace and maybe it just wasn't the right time.

Due to my driving license being suspended, the last almost 5 months I have been getting around on the bus. Something that was not easy for me, than add the students going back to school at the same time I started the program and I was beside myself because of the crowded buses.

The last few weeks I am afraid I am slipping back into the abyss of depression as getting dressed and leaving the house are a source of great distress.

That also includes bouts of crying and general despair and you get the picture.

I have hopefully left the door open for me to possibly go back in the future, I went to program yesterday to tell them it was my last day, I could have been a coward and just left saying nothing at all or taking the easy way out and just phoning and doing it over the phone.

While I felt I was being left behind as every week went by, one therapist said I was doing well and that it is just "My dysfunctional mind!" It was like a slap in the face.

I will work through a DBT workbook my brother bought me before I ever started the intensive program as I have at least gained some ground work under my feet.

My heart is heavy and believe it will lift in the next few days, I am trying not to feel guilt and shame over my decision. My family supports me 100% and that means a lot as I will wonder if I made the right decision. A decision I can say I made by myself and in all my years on this earth is the first one I ever made on my own.

LW