Thank you Myself..it does make sense that the fear of it occuring again....probably is creating the biggest block to processing some of this... what is being discussed currently is triggers..how to address the issue..I am a control freak when it comes to processing,..the alternative is chaos..become disorganized peices of yuck.. probably why my neuronet is doing the jig, with the stuttering, ticing thing going on..

I have been triggered in session before..and while it was safe and cathargic in the processing of that memory..bringing release and closure..this is kinda different ...as you know with what happened with SKR..I recall you were able to work thru it by identifing the trigger..was this with guided imagry, hypnosis? Your blog is very helpful...I dunno Myself, if this works the way the other trigger did for me, you lose track of the here and now, so how did you incorporate a control mechanism to ensure some connection between being in a safe place and who you were with..and not just peripheral objects..my strongest mechanisms to deal with my triggers is to hide or run or shut down, everything kinda just halts..until I reset find the ground under my feet sorta feeling..another reason hospitals are like taboo..when it comes to doing this kind of therapy work...

The therapeutic relationship is what is helping me to move forward, allowing for understanding, incorporating tools, and accessing the fragmentation of the trauma films and processes and is the last thing I would want to put at risk because I get dragged into a subteranian conflict with Mr. Hyde where it controls me and not visa versa..

but going on what happens during the processing of previous triggers..once its been set in motion..mmmm..when it stops would rather not be in a disoriented state of yuck..trying to figure out what happened...so yes I do keep it very much buried, and my own system layers it because of the intensity..segragates/fragmentation comes to mind..that is the pathological part...when I do mention control, it is so controlled that I have lost control..whoa..big news flash there huh...conflictorama occuring..

thanx Myself again gaining insight. with this thread and posting by others who have gone thru this has been very helpful and again constructive..I appreciate it...so far I have learned I am feeling much smaller than the issue at hand so that helps place what/when is occuring, and that control is a qualitive/and fluid belief structure when dealing with a quanative state..and therefore there may be some hope out there that I can process this at some point..without worrying I am going to tear down the house so to speak..

the years of being submerged in a violent abusvive marriage kept much of this for the lack of a better word layered and on autopilot,numb..now after the divorce..everything is topsy turvy and I still feel like a POW inside..just trying to work thru the control statements Myself..and why it was put in place for years, and years..the trauma specialist terms it programming, have not researched that issue before but will start maybe that will help too..better close..rambling a bit...thank you Myself for sharing your experiences..and thoughts...