Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut
(((Elisa)))
I am sorry that you've been having such a tough time since your move from Florida.  Getting back onto a medication probably will help a bit ~ as would seeing a T, to help you think through things more clearly.
It sure can seem as though men just don't understand the way that a woman's mind works. HTH did menopause get thrown in there? Yes, menopause often causes forgetfulness, hot flashes, and some emotional upheaval. But, it sounds like they are blaming YOU for feeling the way that you do. If you're experiencing "the change", that there explains it & no one else has had a negative impact. Know what I mean? It's like they're putting all of the responsibility on your shoulders and not holding any responsibility themselves. Well, that's not the way that it happens in life.
Your hub certainly sees a difference in your level of happiness. That's a fact. It would be really nice if he spent some time trying to come up with ways in which he could help you get through this time ~ so it isn't so stressful and unhappy. Offerring a neck and shoulder rubdown or a shoulder to cry on. He could reassure you, when others seem to be jumping on you for being touchy. Giving you hugs, or holding your hand reassuringly. He could say, "Yeah, maybe you should get back in to see a pDoc." Yet, he isn't doing any of these things (as far as I can see). So, take some of this heavy responsibility that you're feeling off your back! 
I would recommend being more firm with your hub. Tell him that you are really unhappy ~ you need help, and you're going in to see a pDoc. If he tries to argue with you, simply tell him once that this is what you need. You deserve to get what you need & let it go.
Gentle hugs to you. Try imagining yourself in a relaxing spot for a couple of minutes. Take a few slow, deep breaths. It's bright outside, but not too bright. You can see the sunny, blue sky above you. All around you... you can feel the warm sunlight on your skin; a nice light breeze blowing through your hair; the sound of water trickling through a creek bed ~ a small bed of rocks waddling as the water runs across them; you can smell the pine in the air; and hear birds chirping in the trees and near the water. Take another slow, deep breath. And another. Then, you slowly come back to where you are now. Hopefully, you will feel a little more calm. More relaxed. (The place I described is one of my absolute favorite places to go!! ) |
I agree with shez for the most part, but won't make this a gender specific problem. I think it's just when the other person doesn't understand for some reason the problems and challenges their partner faces. Thing is, I had a wife the same way about my bpd. she never accepted it fully. Knew I had it but still blamed me for some of the things I would do when emotionally over-taxed. I do think he could be more understanding. You do need to make him understand what's going on but also I agree that it may not be a time for you to assess whether you need meds or not. Maybe you do
because of the situation more than anything. You never know.
Another thing I might add, that is somewhat gender specific is that he may be overwhelmed too and perhaps everything happening is amplified on both ends. Could this be a possiblity? I mean maybe he's this way always but could it be that you're both overwhelmed with the changes coming? Thing about what I do know about men is that they dont' always let on how things really are overwhelming them sometimes and they can just shut off and then at some point the proverbial pot boils over and it comes out as critical, yelling and irritability at those around them. No, it's not an excuse, it's just something to consider from his side of things too. It's not ok to be critical of you nor yelling at you but.. it seems like you mentioning that your moods are causing you to do the same.
In summary I think there are things you both need to do to get through this. You should consider your mental illness or disorder, getting therapy or meds to help you cope, and he needs to be more understanding.
Hope this helps *hugs*