I'm so glad that you're so understanding and supportive. You being proud of me made me feel proud in myself, if even just for a fleeting moment. But I managed to sense the concern in your voice when I mentioned the flashbacks that happened last week..and I'm kinda scared. I know the more we dig into the anxiety triggers, the more they're going to happen...but I don't know how to bring myself out of them. I'm confusing, I know. I dont make eye contact so it's not like you could just look at my eyes to see if I looked different during one.. I tend to fixate somewhere around the room next to you. I wish I could just look at your eyes, or even just your face. I know it means more to people and it'd probably help my concentration too.

I like how you noticed just how fidgety I really am, and even offered a suggestion! No one has ever done that in a positive way before. It's always 'Stop moving so much!' "Quit moving" "Stop that" etc. Always negative. I'm going to try and find something to fidget with so that my hands don't become a distraction in themselves. Though I feel so much more comfortable rocking, it's awkward to rock in front of other people. I'm not sure why.

I'm going to want to call you on the week of thanksgiving, if just to wish you a happy holiday. But how do I make phone calls less awkward if I don't have anything other than just a quick comment to say? Maybe I can just leave a voicemail (*shudders*) and that'd be enough? I'm so confused with myself. Bleh.

Also thank you for the hug and the pat on the back tonight. You made me feel accomplished, and safe. I haven't felt that in a while. The smallest gestures can mean the most sometimes. ♥