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Originally Posted by Sila
Had an overall great session with my T tonight...But I'm a bit scared. I let her read my therapy journal (where I write down anything I feel during the day or night that might be something important for her to read or know about) and I explained in there that last time we talked, I had a flashback and zoned out while she was talking to me. She asked me if we could talk about that, and I said yes. She sounded concerned which made me feel bad (but I know it's a good thing that she was concerned. I'm just not used to people caring). She wants me to try and tell her when the flashbacks happen, or after it happened...But how do I do that if I don't realize that's what it is until long after? They're scary sometimes...sometimes hurtful and upsetting. I don't like to be stuck in the past in my mind. How can I help her help me through these? What are things that you guys have noticed is an outward "hallmark sign" of a flashback occuring or you're detaching/zoning out? I don't make eye contact so she can't tell by my eyes...I avoid it at all costs simply because it's intimidating and confusing to me.
It's so difficult to face things when you're so used to shoving them away deep inside for them to never see light as long as you can help it. :s
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I'm a little concerned this post might get overlooked because of the nature of this thread. You might get more responses if you start a separate thread. I am NOT saying you shouldn't post this here, but I would like to see you get a lot of responses and some help with this.
My T and I discussed this. He cannot tell even from my eyes when I am having a flashback or dissociating. My complete and utter silence is the only clue, but sometimes I'm silent just because I'm thinking. We agreed that he will just check in with me periodically if I'm silence for an extended period.
In terms of what helps during the flashbacks, that varies a lot by person. For me, having him touch me is helpful. Several times, he has bumped my foot with his. This last time was really horrible. He leaned forward and took my hand and talked to me fairly softly but firmly and that was hugely helpful. I have read others mention that having the therapist lean forward toward them makes them more fearful.