I am sorry to hear that you would like to be hurt, I too know that feeling, but regardless of the thoughts running through your head, you deserve to be here & you deserve to be happy.

I would not stake my entire claim on one girl, I am a deep believer in fate...... if you are truly meant to be with her, it will work itself in the end, but by closing yourself off & purely focusing on 1 girl, you tend to be blind at the other things that may surface (speaking from previous experience!!) Don't go looking for Love, coz you probably wont find what your looking for, let love find you..... & if this girl is being nice to you out of pity as you say, she really doesn;t sound worth it. Love should be about your partner loving you for you!!!
Please keep your chin up & should you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me anytime!!
Flinty