I'm pretty new to this site only a fews days and I spend most of it reading others questions and seeing so many of those same feelings in myself because I don't really know what to say about how low my life has become. I could relate so much to your feelings about your mom as I have a very poor relaitonship with my mom also. My mom very rarely calls to see how I am and pretty much the only time we talk is when I call her. It is better with my dad but I think because he doesn't understand the tension between my mom and myself that he doesn't want to upset her. It certainly isn't in me to destroy my dad's picture of his 44yr marriage by telling him that the main reason my mom avoids contact with me is that she had an affair with my husband not long after he and I married and we have been divorced for 5 yrs now and I didn't learn about it until after we divorced (it was part of the "guilt" he was carrying and had to unload after his sudden emergency divorce he needed...also because he just found out he got someone pregnant and he needed a divorce fast so I wouldn't find out first about the baby...i know long nasty story) we were married 16yrs so he had carried the "guilt" for many years. I never could look at my mom the same way but will not ruin my dad, brothers and sister lives and so I do my best at family functions that I feel obligated to attend to just stay away from her. I'm at a hard time in my life where I could use a mom......I have cancer and am still dealing with radiation treatments, my daughter has just left home for college and I'm completely alone.
anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope that tomorrow will be better for you.