I did not quite make it.

I did breathe.

This is so hard.

One thing that did change, though. I was not as obsessed with him in a romantic way.

As I may have shared in a much earlier post in this thread, I think that loving him was for a reason.

It just got out of control.

I am not sure I know what I am doing.

Ani and I are trying to figure out, still, how to deal with it.

I have bpd. I think in absolute ways.

I am not sure I want to really *give up* Anatoli. But how I deal with him; projecting this imago on him, wanting him, etc.

Ani suggested that I read his book and face who he really was, not this image I have of him.

I have to see him as a person. maybe imagine again him being alive and me having the relationship that G*d may have intended me to have, not this distorted, fantasy projection of what I think I want to have with him.

I will keep you all posted.

Carol