I know it can be hard to feel like you are letting a friend down. It's true, even we that suffer PTSD don't fully understand it, how can we make those that don't suffer it understand. I dealt with similar issues with a well meaning best friend, and finally it came down to this discussion. I know you mean well, and you'd really like me to go and enjoy the reunion as you do, but for me the memories held for me are not the pleasant ones you hold dear. For me, it's the equivalent of going out in a lightening storm and repeatedly being hit by bolts of lightening....and it might, or might not stop after I leave. More than likely it won't, cause I can already feel the affects of it now. I really enjoy the times we spend together, but this would be to me like the equivalent of me asking you to go to a party with Brian (her busturd ex)....she finally had a much better understanding, and there were no hard feelings.

If you can't bring yourself to say it to her verbally, how bout writing her an email explaining it (you can even use my explanation if you want, subbing all your stuff in there), and just explain that it really is that hard for you that you had to write it out. I really think she's a true friend and means well, she just doesn't fully understand, and you know what that is ok too.

Anywho, hun, do what you need to do for you...you are the only one that has to get up and walk in your shoes in the morning. Hugs, Lisa.