Gizmo -- let me reiterate what everyone has said. I too once did it "for my kids." That didn't work. I had to truly want to live. Want to get better for myself. Believe me, this elevator goes from the 100th floor all the way to the bottom. You can get off anywhere you want. I see people at my meetings who got off early, but some who waited almost until it hit the bottom floor. Those are the people who do have the permanent brain/liver damage and such broken lives. But some of them do recover IF THEY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO BE HONEST, as the book says.

Please don't try the "1 bottle at 5:45" trick. 1 drink is too many for us, 100 is never enough. Sounds like you haven't done your first step yet. Admit your powerlessness. Be the fighter who gets out of the ring with George Foreman. Alcohol is George Foreman and it will beat you every time. Just step out of the ring. Have patience. Do it day by day. It will get better.