I used to post here a bit, and then started therapy again and decided to be independent about it all.
I was so wrong about it, and a lot of other things.
I should mention my family don't acknowledge my condition or have any interest in it.
I am deemed moody and unreasonable. They feel embarassed that I have to go through therapy and don't support me in any way.
I am 23, and still live at home. I give my parents money for this, cook, clean, and take care of my siblings affairs, like my sisters children. This is a daily occurrence. I cannot drive and make my own way everywhere, buy my own food and do my own washing, plus theirs.
I have had some great days in my life and this is due to my wonderful, patient and understanding partner, but my family send me spiralling into such an intense BPD state that I regress into self-harm, drinking and self-sabotage. I sleep all day, stop eating and then binge eat and stop communicating with anyone. They don't even notice when this happens.

I have an issue with shopping and thus have a lot of possessions. Considering I never ask for anything, ever, and I give so much, why is it a horrific prospect that I move into the bigger room that is unoccupied and was previously mine anyway. I am claustrophobic as it is and being in a box room with all of my possessions so I literally can't move in it. I climb onto the bed from the door. I spend a lot of time hiding in there and i'm losing my mind.
This is the latest trigger that has sent me spiralling.
It reminds how much they don't care about me and use me.
I have no chance of getting out of here for a few more months. I can't breathe and I just can't face the day anymore. I haven't washed yet this week and the thought makes me so tired I have to lie down.
I need a kick or a push or something to jolt me out of this. My therapist is on holiday.