Darnit, I had a longish answer typed and then the window froze up. Anyway, I'll try to remember what I wrote: thanks for this thread, which resonates with me a lot. I've been thinking a lot about self-control recently, in and outside T. I don't have enough of it - and I have too much, depending on how I view it. When I grew up I had no power, I could not control my life in any way, so the only way I could feel that I had any say in what went on was by self-control. (This is my pop psychology analysis - it's not something I've discussed with T.) I keep a very tight rein on what I say, what I share, and how I say things, with everybody, not just T. Which means that when I lose control (of my feelings, my reactions, what I tell people) I can get rather upset and frightened. It happens in T sometimes, and I know that my T thinks I should spend less energy on keeping the self-control - but I worry that if I lose that, I'll turn completely irrational which won't help at all. On the other hand, if I don't talk, then T won't be able to be of much help, either.

As for the connection, I truly can't say. I have been thinking at times that there was a connection there, but my current view is that that's probably just my imagination running amok. I don't know if less self-control on my part would lead to more of a connection. I rather think it would be the other way around - if I show my loathsome self without controlling the information I give, there's definitely not going to be any kind of connection... but then again, on the third hand, if I hide myself then that's a barrier to connection. I really don't know.

Sorry this got so long. I think this is a great topic to discuss.