When I went to the Mental Health community club house today it got me so mad. I brought my guitar and violin to show my mental health friends. One of the younger guys there played my violin and I don't know how but he broke the bridge. It costed my one hundred fifty five dollors and he also played it so hard he broke a string on it, and I found out it will be expensive to fix it. I really was hurt, and said, "here, why don't you finish it off." and I began to hand it back to him, and he started to take it, so I grabbed it and put it away in the case. Life is delicate and now I realize that like a violin to be played out emotions must be more delicate as well. Most of the time I am not sweet enough, my tone is like a bad violin and I have lack of smoothness, like the sound he made before he broke my instrument. It didn't dawn on me until today when it broke, that my diagonosis of bi-polor could be that delicately put together and that maybe I play out my life the way that guy handled and ruiened my instrument. I was so so so imbarrassed, upset, in shock and errrrr disturbed while I watched and heard it scretch to the breaking point right before me and the four others at the club house. None of us had an easy time seeing that happen and it could have actually been some type of lesson for me, I don't know, it was expensive kind of lesson and now I guess If I want to play it, I will have to take it ten miles out of town to get it looked at and see, if it's even possible to fix it and I wonder if now, I am going to feel much like doing all of that, how do I know if it won't just get re-broken. I have ups and downs and feel like the trouble I go through to get out of the funky funks is just like the process of breaking the violin and what is worse, the repairing of myself, is just as exusting to do; does anyone have ideas on fixing myself with bi-polor again and again; do you think the violin story I shared means something if anything relitive to mental illness and better or worse cases of illness for me?? What can I think about my situation, it keeps happening (the same broken stuff, with just different days and different names for it-I get in funks and ruts, errie like broken violins, frightful like what should be done to get fixed, like even embarrassed to have to take myself in to "the violin fix it shop'" so to speak; how should I think when it keeps happening. I usually get sick fifteen times a year, which is my guess, it could be more or less. What a cost...........