wow lola what a question .i am having huge struggles with this now in T and so on. i felt so out of control of things when i realized i was moving close to my T.something i am very careful not to do. i feel i am very much in control externally in T but completely out of control internally.i believe this is what causes the complete external control if it makes any sense. if i loose that all H E L L will break loose and that isn't a good thing at all .i have seen the out come. but who knows it all may just be one complete mess and i have no control at all in T and i just am fooling myself .because if i did it would be easy for me to talk and say what i want to say. does being able to talk come from internal or external control???