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skittles said:
i think there is something inside that makes me have rages and hate .. i get to where i i feel id rather hit or run over someone with my car then to look at them..... ive been kicked out of banks and been in arguments with lots of ppl because i cant control my rage.. ive never been physical in any of my rages to anyone although i have thrown things... but i do picture what i want to do to the person in my head.... i just hope one of these days i dont get so mad that i end up doing it

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controlling rage is really hard. let's face it, we live in a world where it is socially acceptable to provoke it in others and to frustrate others for stupid bureaucratic reasons that have nothing to do with actual reality, but it is absolute social anathema to express this rage and frustration.

there's a funny saying that says something like stress is the body's response to the uncontrollable urge to choke the ever-living crap out of someone that totally deserves it!! so true, so true. it was all I could do to stay "sane" and proper at the DMV the other day when they told me I can't get a new drivers license till I get an official name change through the courts -- even though the name I use is on my old (out of state) license (I just moved). you know how it is -- things start to get swirly and bright and loud and this surge of energy bursts inside and ... the room starts rotating, slowly at first ... and ... yeah, you know how it is.

speaking of something inside I picked up a critter last week right before bedtime. now THAT is REALLY having something inside, when you can feel it shoving you aside in your own consciousness and trying to take over full control of the body. I had to pin myself down to the bed so I would not go running out in the street looking for prey. it was weird, kind of scary, but I'm into that sort of thing. it feels sooooooo delicious having one of them wrestle you into submission and rise emergent from somewhere up through your flesh, like a dimensional doorway bilocated and opening inside you.