Harper,
there is no shame in having a mental illness. Its no different than having a physical illness except that the pain is emotional. You don't have to spill your guts to someone you think might be a good support system. Feel them out with some benign conversation, and slowly get into what you are going through. That way, if they aren't able to be a support system, you won't feel like you gave everything up and were shot down.

Even one person can make a tremendous difference. It took me years to stumble upon someone I could say anything to without being judged or having them draw away. That one person has made the difference between me being on this earth and not.

Please reach out if you can to one of the people you see as probable supportive friends. It can make all the difference.

Sam2