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I have never posted in this forum as I have never been diagnosed with PTSD. This make me feel a little awkward being in here and why I often don’t come to this forum. However I am not looking for an reply here to say oh it seems like you may or an replying saying we can’t tell you I know that and that is not what I am looking for but I was just making it clear in case someone gets the wrong idea.
Why I am here though is this a past accident still causes me problems and it has been 6 years however me not having PTSD is down to I don’t get flash backs nor nightmares of that accident. However what has extremely troubled me since then is extreme fear and I mean heighten anxiety that I feel constantly running through my body and there are other physical effects like sweating, shaking and usually more than often am unset stomach as well as lack of sleep for days on and off. What is more troubling now is little things really set e off feeling like this which is getting ridicules but each and every time I naturally react this way and I wish I could stop it. What really doesn’t help is with people thinking it is just down t anxiety they totally dismiss me when I can’t keep breaking this or just keep doing more of the same. However why can’t they understand that my anxiety stems from the car accident even in therapy when I try to explain why I think the way I do or what causes my anxiety they just don’t understand or they normally say why would a person think like that or they just try to brush it off.
Things they don’t get
After the car the thoughts of everything you do has an impact on everyone or thing around you.
I panic and I can’t be around people because I can’t get over this fear and normally more than often because of this thought I cause so much problems for people because I just can’t function around them because of my fear… so more than often I end up in doors not leaving the house because as long as I don’t come into contact with people I can’t impact on them and that stop’s my fears to a certain extent
However I constantly worry as I am unemployed and I know sooner or later I will have to face the world again however again that fear of impacting people is too much because I worry beforehand at all the possible impacts I would make on people by doing something… which has now got to the point where other people consider I have loss all my confidence however it is more than that. It is like I have lost the ability to function in the first place to just do what is required of you and I don’t think I will be able to ever get other this to a time where I can just do some things with constantly thinking what impact is this making what effect on people or things am I causing.
Another thought is I can’t trust myself, I was partly to blame for the car accident.
So any decisions or responsibility I can’t stand having because I can’t trust myself to be there in that place because the last time I functioned properly the accident happen and ever since after that nothing has ever gone right again. So again with jobs this is extremely hard as I am always worrying and people just think I worry too much but they can’t understand I just can’t stop my worry or that I am not worrying myself silly just because I am naturally inclined that way, it has actually to do with the car accident change me and my way of thinking and I can never again in the same way as I used to, it is always clouded by what has happened and how that has change how I see things and all the trying to correct that way of thinking has never worked nor will it because sometimes things can’t be undone. Hence CBT is of not help to me and the very therapy I know in theory should help me in my instance.
Sometimes I don’t have to be worrying or thinking my body just is stuck reacting in a certain way.
All therapy I have had over that 6 years period has never helped because I feel worse now and my reactions are getting worse more now to new things that years ago I never reacted to even before I had the therapy in such a way. It appears I never will overcome this, so my reactions are running high and extremely affecting me, it is at a level which isn’t right for a person but still people just shrug it off and I am to blame for not being able to keep it together or causing this by reacting in such a way. I know a lot of how we are is to do with the thoughts eg CBT however I don’t see how this is just something I can think myself out of yet still I am to blame for not just doing that and not overcoming this.
I don’t really know what I expect form posting in here but I guess maybe someone here may understand that sometimes you can’t help but react to things and maybe if you have been treated for that but treated wrong for that or been complained at for not getting better with the treatment but no one understands or properly listens the I am sure it would help me a lot to know I am not the only one how keeps going around in circle and is losing it because of this, However I wouldn’t wish that feeling or situation on someone but I know I can’t be the only person out there feeling like this or in a situation like this.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense and I hope it was ok of me to post it here.
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