Dear new T,
I am doing okay, although going through daily life for me feels like an act of courage (lol). I am in constant fear of being a failure, and often feel I have failed everyone around me. I failed my last therapy. I fear that I am going to fail in this therapy. I try to be successful during the week at work, sometimes it is so hard. Not the job, but being around people.

I know I talked about the okay to be needy on one day, but not the others in my last letter. I wanted this for myself before I even met you. This past week when I knew I couldn't call became reality, I wanted to be an adult about it and not feel afraid, but my fear arose nonetheless. My feelings from the past of only being able to be needy on a selective basis obscured my goal. I know my task is to tolerate this, I know that you believe in me, but I feel like I am going to fail. What if I act like a child? What if I try and fail? What if you leave because I can't accomplish what any other adult could accomplish? Are you then going to leave? I feel like such a loser even asking these questions. I want to get better. I have tolerated my feelings this week, even though it can be rough. I know I can do it, but I have an underlying fear that I will fail miserably and become nothing but an annoyance to everyone around me. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. But I'm also okay.