Hi (((azizaAkos)))),

Welcome to PC, oh, hun I am so sorry that you were challenged like that. I can relate to what you are discribing and how much of the "guilt" is there as well. You have to let yourself "let go" of that hun, you had no way of "predicting" all of that or being able to respond in some better way that could have "changed" the outcome.

I am not a therapist or psychiatrist so I cannot diagnose you, but what I can say is that some of the challenges you are discribing "can" be PTSD. I really think you should find a therapist that can help you with all of this, you can't do it alone hun, and it will get much better with "therapy and time". Please do "not" harm yourself or blame yourself hun, you really "can" work through this and find your way to regaining your personal strength back again.

((((Big supportive Hugs for you))))
Open Eyes