I used to study professional dance. Before trauma, I was still ME inside and dance was what I DID. I had control over it. Not the other way around.

After trauma it changed in that, strangely my whole sense of self melted with dance. I became dance. There´s no "me" in the centre that controls my body and dance. I AM just my moving body. Does that make sense?

I am not seperate anymore, though I try to be and feel ME seperate from dance so badly. Because i know it´s the only way to be truely in control again and enjoy it and improve. To feel that it is ME doing it.
The one, that controlled, decided over, enjoyed and felt and wanted dance, she´s gone.
I´m just the moving body.

It´s really scary and SO frustrating because there´s still something inside of me that yearns for dance so badly. But I´m unable to really enjoy it, really feel it, because I don´t feel myself.

I know noone can diagnose this. I just like hearing your thoughts on it.