It sounds like you went from being a person who "needed" a lot of "control" to a person who "lost all control". Are you in "therapy" right now?

It is not such a bad thing to "crash and burn" believe it or not. It can be worse to go through a whole life "maintaining narcisism". No one can be in "full control" or even be "perfect" we are all just human and a good dose of "empathy" and "allowing for human error and imperfection" is not such a raw deal.

Every human being has some degree of "narcisim" to them, we have to have that to thrive to a certain point. And some of the other issues you have in your about me are also there in all "humans". When we use the term "disorder" it means that we are "too much" of certain psychological manerisms and it becomes "unhealthy" and interferes with a "balanced life" for ourselves as well as having the ability to interact and "get along with others".

You can "still" enjoy dance in a sense of self, but you have to get to a point where you "don't have the be the best" in order to "succeed, fulfill, and enjoy".

You need to have a "good therapist" that can help you figure out where this imbalance came from and to help you find your way to "allowing to thrive" without having to "be the be all and end all" and thinking that is the only way to be "appreciated or respected somehow".

For example, I am the "opposite" of a narcisist, I tend to put "others" before self too much, too much empathy on my part. But I am also "strong willed" which leads to my being "misunderstood". Ugh, I have to learn to "give self a break" and "be ok to take care of self". I crashed too, and so I know the challenge, even though I have different underlying issues than you. The bottom line is we are only "both" human and it is "ok" to self examine and work towards a healthier mindset.

Open Eyes